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Guiding Teenagers
Raising resilient teens with heart,
guiding mental wellness with wisdom.
Raising Teens Today
Who Want Body Piercings
Handling the Situation
Part II of the 2-part series
In the second and final installment of Raising Teens Today Who Want Body Piercings, I will walk you through crucial actions to ensure the best possible outcome for you and your young adult.
Missed the first part?
Check out Raising Teens Today Who Want Body Piercings: Personal Experience
The article reveals life as a teen with a passion for body art and a parent who had to handle the situation.
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Raising Teens Today Who Want Body Piercings: Handling the Situation
►Sustain or Subdue?
▪ Reality Check: Their Age
▪ Don't Add Insult To Injury
▪ Limited Options
▫ Let's go over our options
▫ Boils down to options A or B
►Option C
▪ Middle Ground
▪ Be Humble: Think Back, Don't React
►Essential Parenting Dos (and Don'ts!)
►Spite or Serious?
▪ Spite
▪ Serious
►Raising Teens & Body Piercings: It's NOT the End
►Conclusion
Written By Dan Currie
Published: May 22, 2023
Sustain or Subdue?
We as parents should always have a say in our young adult's decisions, especially if they still live in our homes and school. So what should we do when they turn 18 and are adamant about getting a body piercing, and we aren't comfortable with that idea (or downright disapprove)?
Let's look into our options and what we can do in this situation: sustain the idea and let it flourish- or subdue it, killing the thought of body shrapnel.
Reality Check: Their Age
First, it is imperative to remember that they are 18 years old and have a legal right to make their own decisions regarding their bodies. I get it. It's hard letting go sometimes, but they grow up, and we must let them do what they think is best-
even if we know better and have the wisdom that comes with maturity and age. All we can do is be there for them, giving comfort and advice as necessary, hoping we have raised them the best they can be.
Don't Add Insult To Injury
Whatever age your child is, we should NEVER subdue our children and their thoughts, opinions, or preferences- no matter how foolish it may seem to us as parents with wisdom. Remember, this makes them unique and fosters emotional growth and self-esteem. If you attempt to completely quash their idea without listening to them first, they will feel denigrated and disparaged, shattering their self-worth.
Limited Options
Let's go over our options
But I still don't approve of them getting a body piercing, so what should I do? Without sugarcoating it, the brutal truth is that there is nothing. No form of legal action (in typical circumstances) will prevent it.
Screaming matches and arguments generally do not work. Faulting your teen and making them feel their preferences and tastes will not work either. Imposing punishments is an option; however, whether they believe it is worth the consequences remains their choice.
Boils down to Options A or B
There is no golden ticket answer without forcing and threatening your young adult into something else that could make them feel belittled or hamper their self-esteem. Unfortunately, this is one of those deals where you can go to other sites (even the ones claiming a guarantee) where you can legally do nothing without either (A) obtaining a court order or (B) throwing out all morals scorning and vilifying your child.
Option C
As stated, without becoming a vile parent yourself or jumping through a ton of hoops (or both!), if your child wants a body piercing, they ultimately can get one. What we should be doing as good, responsible, nurturing parents is opening the lines of communication with them- Option (C).
Let's not try dismissing their ideas and thought processes; instead, try understanding them. Be direct, sit down with them, and express yourself and reason for your feelings. We do not want them to feel that parents are always in control; otherwise, they will see us as puppet masters pulling all the strings, and they are just going through the motions at that point. So instead, show that you respect their decision and are willing to listen and offer input, gently steering them in a direction where both of you can meet in the middle.
Middle Ground
Finding the middle ground is the best solution, even if we may disagree with the body shrapnel or what it represents in some cases. We must think objectively and with an open mind, briefly removing the parenting hat. The best way to do this is by putting yourself in their shoes.
Be Humble:
Think Back, Don't React
Take a minute, be humble, and put yourself in your child's shoes. Pretend for a moment you had your heart set on a particular piece of metal you could wear, much like earrings, but only in other parts of the body. Then, as you become excited, you take the high road and run it past your parents rather than trying to hide it or make them upset and just come home with it.
What would you hope your parents would say about it when you came to them? If you are honest with yourself, you would want your parents to a least hear you out and respect your opinions rather than ridicule you. Furthermore, the last thing you want to hear is your parents deciding for you even though you now have a legal right to the decision—a tough pill to swallow.
Essential Parenting Dos (and Don'ts!)
Instead, have a real heart-to-heart conversation with them. Take them out to lunch, the batting cage, the mall, or whatever brings each of you close and gives you a chance to hash it out.
When you talk with them, show that you are sincerely listening and be involved in the conversation without hijacking it. For example, have them explain why they find it so attractive, what made them choose that particular location, and their plans after the piercing. In doing this, your child will think highly of your opinions and be more receptive to your thoughts and advice on the piercing. As a bonus, they will surely think much more carefully about it before running off hellbent on doing it.
Spite or Serious?
As their parent, you probably know whether your child is serious about a body piercing. That said, one of two things will happen.
Spite
If your teen is coming to you about thinking about a piercing, saying they are going to get one, but their body language or something else screams otherwise, allow your parental panic alarm to sound. For example, once you realize they want one out of spite, because it is the newest fad, or even because of peer pressure, you will want to reach into the bag of tricks to get them to think twice and hopefully not go through with it.
Remember, as parents, we only want to subtly assist in making sure they make an informed and correct decision. Under no circumstance do we want to force a decision or add to their stress and pressure them. So instead, give your child the facts, laying them out to allow them to see it clearly and lean on you for advice.
Serious
On the flip side, if your teenager is adamant about some body shrapnel, and they have come to you with a well-thought-out and organized plan, then it is a safe bet they are mentally and emotionally ready for it. In addition, if your child can answer any questions you may throw at them regarding your concerns about getting a body piercing, you can be sure they are mature enough to have thought it through in depth. Furthermore, that is also an excellent sign that it is not a spur-of-the-moment decision or a spontaneous "you only live once" fling.
At that point, and their intent is evident, the only thing left is to let them come to you for support and advice, even if we disapprove of the decision. However, if you respect their decision, they may allow suggestions if it merits them since they can see you are trying. Even if the ideas fall on a deaf ear or there is no room for recommendations, at the very least, you don't end up with the strain of a choppy relationship over differences in opinions.
Raising Teens
& Body Piercings:
It's NOT the End
Raising teens today is challenging, especially regarding topics like this. I bring good news, though: as mentioned in the previous article, Raising Teens Today Who Want Body Piercings: Part I, Personal Experience, body piercings are only semi-permanent. That means they come out and heal with a minimal scar. It comes out even quicker and with less effort than going in if your child realizes they do not like it, whether a week or a decade later. Body piercings make an excellent alternative to something much more permanent such as a tattoo, so yes, it could be worse!
In Conclusion
As stated in the previous post, I agree with body piercings; they are an elegant art form that is not entirely permanent. Much like all art forms, it is in the eye of the beholder. What may be horrifying and disgusting to one may be a marvel or wonder to another. We must always respect each other's opinions regarding body piercings, even if they are our children. To allow them to grow and build self-esteem and individuality, they must be free to make their own decisions when the time comes. All we can do is be there and hope we raise them well.
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