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Raising Teens Today:
Guiding Teenagers with
Essential Parenting Dos and Don'ts
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The Mashup:
Short Raising Teens Blog Entries. Opinionated. Grounded in Facts.
001 - 10.02.23
Raffish Daughter
I love my daughter to death, but damn, she can be a raffish one sometimes. Let's not get confused; I'm not saying ravish, which she can be that too when she wants to. Raffish, for those of you who do not entirely know, means "unconventional, in an attractive way" or "unconventional and slightly disreputable, especially in an attractive manner."
It always starts the same, perhaps not doing a chore, like forgetting to take out the trash when it's her turn. I confront her about it, and she swiftly uses her charm and attacks my weaknesses, captivating me with the "daddy's girl" spell. As always, once she had it, without hesitation, the little 8th grader of 4-foot 9-inch smiled and insisted she did it, but it must have gotten filled up again. She gives me every reason to believe her—even though the evidence disproving her argument was blatantly in front of us. It's cute and comical. I should be mad and put my foot down, but I can't; she knows she did wrong because she's trying like hell to convince me otherwise. What is a father to do? Yep, that's my little raffish princess.
How many other mothers and fathers out there have that problem? I'm willing to bet all of us see it occasionally. It's ok! And as long as it's minor stuff, such as forgetting to take out the garbage, those little raffish moments are equally good for parents and children.
Stay with me here; I have some logic as to why these moments can be good. My daughter forgot to take out the trash. If I yelled or punished her every time she did not do a chore correctly or perfectly, it would only lead to my little girl dealing with constant self-esteem issues, belittling, or fearing the authoritarian parent—which I don't want her to endure, especially since I was raised in a home like that.
Instead, we usually play the game of "not my fault," "figment of your imagination, Dad," or "it got messy again after I cleaned it," whatever. We both know that she's in the wrong and is trying to throw every attempt to get out of it at me, despite how futile sometimes. I'll usually play along unless it is a constant issue where she needs to learn from her mistake, in which case she knows pretty quickly when it's pointless to try.
Regardless, though, in allowing her to win small little battles when it's clear and obvious that she messed up and with a "stern dad warning" at the end of the ordeal, my little girl will understand her mistake easier because she, in essence, is pointing out her own mistakes as she tries to talk her way out of it. This will lead to her learning with dignity and without having to tell her directly that she failed.
Will she break a rule and not learn from her innocent dance? Of course. Will she take advantage of me, knowing I can be a sucker for the Daddy's Girl deal? Yes, she's already figured that out. It's okay, though. I don't mind doing the song and dance with her as long as I know she is learning and I stay consistent, allowing her to win the "less important" battles. That is the bottom line for this entry. Stay consistent and personable with your teen, see through the BS in their raffish personality, and pick and choose your battles; you and your teen will appreciate it (even if they don't say it!), knowing their attempts are at least being heard, no matter how ridiculous it may sound sometimes!
Date
Until next time!
Monday, October 2, 2023
Episode
001 - "Raffish Daughter"
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