This series is designed (but not necessary) to be read chronologically; if you still need to read Parts I-V, the links below will take you to the previous articles to catch up!
UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve - Parenting Series: PART VI
What UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve actually means
To conclude this mini-series of parenting characteristics, I leave you with the final step after you find your parenting method or combination of methods. These four styles were covered in the previous articles:
> neglectful parenting scheme via UN(cubed)
> permissive parenting tactics of (the great)PRO³
> (what)THE authoritarian parenting methods
> the authoritative parenting, seriously, HA!(HA!HA!)
Once you find what works best for you, you can move on to the final step by merging the strange capital letters in this series to get the phrase UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve. This is the only thing you can do now that you are set in your ways, trying to be the best parent possible.
R U doing it right?
Even if you still lay in bed, asking yourself that age-old question, "Am I doing this right?" You can rest assured that you are doing it precisely how it needs to be done. There is no right or wrong way, as stated many times throughout this mini-series; there is only your unique way.
You are probably on the right track if you can check off these boxes:
You sincerely love your child and would do anything to protect them from harm
However you parent, your goal is to make sure they succeed as an adult
If your child is helpless and dependent on you (i.e., toddler, handicapped, etc.), you do not turn your back on them and ensure they are well off
If and when your child is independent (vs. entirely dependent) to some degree and cannot accomplish something essential due to age, ability, knowledge, or responsibility, you will ensure it becomes accomplishable, or you perform it for them.
A set of solid morals is instilled in them, even if they are not necessarily the same as someone else's.
However, if you cannot tick off all five boxes, I strongly recommend taking a firm and honest step back to reevaluate your position and what you can do differently to ensure all checkboxes are marked.
After those checkboxes are all checked, it is not voila! Magic! Perfect relationships and families. It only means that you are on the right track as a parent, and then you can focus on your child in a new light. With the clarity of being a good parent, you can see if they are having any problems or issues in their personal, school, or social life away from you. Sometimes your child may even ask you for your advice with a problem that they are having; after all, everybody has issues from time to time.
What comes next?
Sincerely ask yourself if you genuinely UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve. Sometimes as parents, we can dismiss issues our children are going through. We sit there thinking, "Been there, done that. It's not a huge issue; it will pass." or "Believe me, it feels like the end of the world, but it's not." We do this because we went through some of those same animosities when we were younger, and we tend to forget how we felt in the heat of that moment.
Telling our children something along those lines may prove unwise, even if it is accurate and we know what we are talking about from experience. However, we must remember they have not "Been there, done that" This is (for the most part) all new as they age and mature, and in some cases, it may feel like their life is crumbling all around them. That said, it's time to sit down and UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve.
Remember, most children or teens do not have the extensive complex relationships that adults have. On average, they have a best friend, a group of friends (or both), family life, a job, or helping out a neighbor type of job. Most major social interactions and cues are learned from school. These same social interactions are also why most of our children's "catastrophic problems" can be traced back to school somehow, even if it is just because they met them there.
Felt Like & Feels Like
Most adults will agree after they taste adulthood for some time, "High school is much easier." This mentality is another reason brushing off problems our children tell us is easier. However, to accurately UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve, we need to take a step back and sincerely try to remember what it felt like when we were that age and what it would feel like if we were in those shoes again, as though we were our children. Remember that school, a job (if old enough), and family are generally all they know; if one falls somehow, a good chunk of their world crumbles.
In Conclusion
We must first and foremost ensure we are parenting our children in our unique ways. Then, once we are parenting in our styles, set in our convictions, we can concentrate on diving deeper into our children's complexities in trying to UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve. In our next mini-series later this month, we will look into more detail regarding teenagers' social, emotional, and mental intricacies and how we can tune into them.
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